[writing as therapy; might not sound coherent]

When it isn’t just a one-off event, or a temporary situation, or just a phase in life. When it’s something you live with for ALL of life. It never ends. There is no “break”, no breather, no time-out. Sounds just like a chronic disease, which it is actually – chronic. A chronic life situation. Support from people come and go, because at the end of the day, no one can be there for you all the time. And I mean all the time. It’s just not possible. When the issue remains the same after, say, 10 years, what else is there to say every time you meet that same friend again? Nothing has changed, you repeat the same old story, the person gives the same response, listens to you patiently, and then what? We all go home, and the next time I see you again, the situation remains unchanged, people remain unchanged, and on and on it goes. There is nothing left to say. I don’t blame people for running out of things to say or do to provide support; heck, I get annoyed at myself for having to go through the same cycle of thoughts and resolutions over and over and over again. Friends can empathize but that can only go so far. No one can truly step into your shoes and experience your life with you. Not even the most intimate lovers can. It’s no one’s fault, and I’m not saying this out of resentment against anyone. In fact, the biggest reason that has kept me sane all these years is my network of support. I’m just stating the fact that at the end of the day, it’s just you. Just you, yourself, and God. It’s just you facing your brick wall.